She Gets It

Being a mom is hard. There is not an instruction manual that tells you when to say yes and when to say no. Every day moms are faced with hundreds of choices, large and small,  that mold our children into who they are and will be. 

Summer is here and our family is finally soaking in some downtime.  I have had time to decompress from a busy year of working and being a mom.  I want to share one of my proudest moments and I will share it using my child's words.

 Molly won a contest this year with an essay she wrote about winning choices.  I am not proud that she wrote it, or that she won, or that money came as the prize.  I am proud that she gets it.  She made a choice and walked in another person's shoes.... and she gets it.

I am happy that I said yes, I am proud that she took on the challenge and impressed that she put her thoughts down on paper.  My girl, she is special and she gets the bigger picture in life.  I am proud....

Winning Choices:

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Every year the Virginia Tech baseball team shaves their heads to raise money for St. Baldrick’s, an organization that is trying to cure cancer in children.  Last year my brother shaved his head with the Virginia Tech baseball team. I wanted to shave my head too but my mom said no.  This year when the time came again for the baseball team’s “Shave for the Brave” I told my mom I wanted to shave my head and raise money too.

            My mom asked if I was sure about it, and yes I was.  Being a girl it was a pretty hard decision to make.  My mom knew that I might get stared at or made fun of if I didn’t have a lot of hair.  But we talked about it and I know there are lots of girls my age who get cancer and their hair falls out during their treatment.  It would be silly of me to be afraid to shave my head when I am healthy and lucky to have that choice.  It would be much harder for the girls who are sick and don’t have a choice. 

My mom asked a lot of times if I was sure about doing this and I was so we set up an account on the website (www.saintbaldricks.com) so people could donate money in exchange for us shaving our heads. We put a picture of my brother and me together online and our fundraising page was ready!  It wasn’t long before the money started coming in.  

The money that we raised went to kids who have cancer. One kid, Levi, who lives fairly close to us, was being honored because he had cancer when he was younger.  He is cancer free now and his hair has grown back. The baseball team has sort of adopted him.  When we went to the practice field for Shave for the Brave Levi was there and we got to see him!  We got our picture taken with him and I saw that his mom was crying.  I think she was grateful that all these people cared so much about Levi and other kids that it made her so happy she cried.

It feels so good to know that we are helping other kids our age who don’t feel well.  Sometimes people do look at me funny or ask my mom, “is that your son?” Like one time I was standing in line at a restaurant and the person in front of me was staring at me.  I thought to myself, “Just because I have short hair doesn’t mean that I’m not a girl.” I am used to it now and it doesn’t bother me.  Hair isn’t important.  The important thing is that my brother and I raised $4,600.00 for cancer research!  I was so proud to be a part of it!  

- Molly McPherson                                                    

   

                                         

This is How I Heal

In the days and weeks following April 16, 2007 I was lost.  I stayed up well after the kids and Dave had gone to bed scouring the internet for every bit of information I could find. I wanted to know every victim's name, where they came from, who they were, about their families..... and I began writing.  Every few days I would send an email to family and friends to keep them updated on what was happening in our town...... Looking back I don't think I was really writing to keep them informed. I think it was helping me deal with the events of that day.... and to heal.

I watched Friday's events unfold through the internet and social media on my phone while in an elementary school. (surreal) The same elementary school that I was teaching in when the twin towers fell.... the same school that lost parents on 4/16.  News was of course sketchy throughout the day as the media scrambled to put information out into the world..... most of which was wrong.  For some reason during the day it never even occurred to me that children would be injured let alone killed.  It never crossed my mind.  You'd think that I would know better than that by now.

I took my children home that day and didn't mention it to them.  Why would I terrify them and make them scared to go to their own school?  I kept the tv off.  I didn't want to see any of it.  I am not naive enough to think that I can ignore it and pretend that it didn't happen.  But I sure as hell didn't want to go there and let it sink in.   The more time that passes, the more it is eating away at me. And so I write.

I still won't watch the news stories.  Not because I don't want to know who the victims were, or because I am scared to watch it.  But because, I remember how it felt when the media descended upon our town.  How most of us felt.  Like we were being followed, they were digging for stories.    I can see them doing the same thing to Newtown.  Looking for information, background, interviewing CHILDREN!  Ridiculous.  This isn't a news story, this is people's lives.  I have no respect for those who chase down people who have lost loved ones.  And does the media really think that the families have any idea what they are saying?  Does anyone really think that any of this has sunk in?  On Friday they dropped their children off at school and today they buried them!?  There has not been time for any of these families to grasp what has really happened.

Never once have I entered my children's school and thought, "what would happen if?" Until today...... Last Friday was pajama day.  We (the teachers) all came to school, arms full of bags, lunches, supplies, snacks.  Teachers all over the country went to school that day.  Tired! It was the Friday before the last week of school before the winter break.  Coffee cups in hand, teachers in Newtown were no different.  I cannot even imagine being caught so off guard as they were that day.  No one saw it coming.  You can do lockdown/intruder drills until you are blue in the face..... really, though.... what would you do?

Would you hide the kids in the closets like some brave teachers did?  Because at our school there sure as heck aren't closets big enough to fit kids in.  Yes, I have looked around. I checked...... but there are no closets you could fit more than one or two children in.  Then what?  My next morbid thought in my own school is,  "man, when I get my own classroom I sure hope it isn't on the front end of the hall near the lobby." How horrible is that?  Who wants to be the first door an intruder comes to?  I am angry that that some stranger, some sick person who I don't even know and never knew me is causing me to have these thoughts in my own school and community.  But then it isn't a new anger.... I've felt it before... five years ago. 

There was a time that I would feel on edge walking through campus.  My beautiful campus..... and that has faded.  Our town rallied together, grew stronger and became an even better place than it once was.  I know that in time, I won't walk around school wondering "what if" when I see an unfamiliar face coming to the front door.  But right now it is fresh, it is real and it is painful. 

And how about this?  Have you seen a first grader lately?  I see them all the time. They are tiny.  How in the heck, if this man shot first graders at close range, multiple times with a rifle, was there anything left of them? There, I said it.  Morbid and gross, but that's what I want to know.  Because you know what? I've been to the funerals.  I've seen them try to put adult bodies back together after they've been blown to bits...... and I want to know if any of those parents got to really see their children again after they dropped them off at school that day........

And next I think about the first responders.  Because I know many who responded on 4/16 in Blacksburg.  I don't know all of the details, but I know what they saw.  And I know that they saw people they knew..... it's a small town.  So what about Newtown?  What about those first responders and what they saw?  No one should ever have to see that.  And they will see those images in their heads for the rest of their lives...... All the counseling in the world can't change that....... maybe, maybe time and therapy can dim it.... but it will ALWAYS be there.

So I am angry. I am sad.  I am grieving.  I feel fake when I hug my children and tell them that we are safe when deep down inside I know that evil can happen anywhere, to anyone, at anytime.  I try to reassure myself that we are safe by thinking lightning doesn't strike the same place twice. But who am I to know?

I do know that in all the darkness in the world today that our community still shines bright.  I see the hurt in my friends and neighbors faces as we struggle our way through this new reality.  That this can happen to children.  I know that each and every one of us would and will drop everything to help each other through.  I know that it doesn't take tragic events to make us appreciate the children we get to come home to, but each time we experience one, we do appreciate them a little bit more.

And lastly, I know that there are twenty families who have bought and wrapped Christmas gifts for children who won't be here Christmas morning to open them....... and that truly breaks my heart........

Coach = Teacher

March Madness is upon us.  Our kids played their last basketball game of the season two weeks ago and I am still reflecting on the very poor coaching that Molly received.  Let's be honest, I am having a really hard time letting go.  At this very young age where teaching the children how to play, win and lose the game is crucial, her coach taught her nothing except maybe the lesson that life isn't fair. 

This season Molly was called a ball hog by her coach and teammates (yes, in our "christian" basketball league), had the ball thrown at her face on purpose by the coach's daughter, (yes, in our "christian" basketball league), followed by a refusal to apologize to Molly because she wasn't sorry, (yes, in our "christian" basketball league)..... 

Molly and her teammates took turns playing point and bringing the ball down the court.  EVERY game as soon as she crossed the center line her coach would yell, "pass it Molly, who's open?" He had told her she wasn't allowed to shoot she had to pass the ball.  Well, as it went all season, she'd pick up her dribble get trapped, no one was open and she would usually turn over the ball.  A coach yelling "Get open" to a bunch of eight year olds who can't even dribble without watching the ball will not help them get open.  They need to be taught where to go on the court, how to move and get open.  Never was this taught during practice or games.  It was frustrating for Molly and for us to watch.

To make matters worse by the last game as soon as the coach's daughter crossed mid court when she was bringing in the ball he'd yell ,"Shoot it, take it all the way!" Wow, I was speechless and as you can tell am having a hard time letting this go.   I am sure some people reading this may think that this is a skewed view as a mother, slightly exaggerated because it happened to my child.  I am confident that you could find others who saw and heard the same things that I did during games.... you'd have to be asleep to miss this.......  a coach cannot play favorites...... especially coaching his own child more favorably than others. 

On a very bright note, Matthew was blessed with an extraordinary coach this season.   Our kids ended up with back to back practices and his coach invited Molly to play/practice with them every week.  His coach is the perfect example of a teacher who used every opportunity in practice and games to teach the kids and both Matthew and Molly greatly benefited from his teaching this year and I am SO grateful for that.  

I feel like the experience Molly had this year could have easily turned off her love of the game.  Had it not been for Matthew's coach, she could have easily walked away from something that she loves and is really good at.  It is tough sometimes playing in rec leagues because many parents volunteer to coach who don't have any experience.  I know that they want to spend time with their children, I understand that.  But signing up, wearing the team shirt and buying a whistle does not make you a coach......  to coach is to teach.  You need to have knowledge of the game and how to break it down in order for your players to be successful. 

We are currently researching AAU opportunities in the area.  We hope there is a team nearby for girls her age that she can join next season.  I know that won't guarantee a great coach but I do think it will help to play with girls who have more experience playing the game.   For now, I am going to try to stop obsessing about the negative experience we just had (ring pops and all) and hope that we find the right spot for her in the future.......

25 Movies to see in 2012

So, as 2012 rolls around I plan to make more time to do things I say I don't have time to do.  It is a sad fact that I don't sit still long enough to watch movies often enough, if ever.  So, below is my list of 25 movies (in no particular order)  I will make time to see in 2012.  That's what, about one every 2 weeks? (I don't do math!)

There are some on this list you won't BELIEVE I haven't seen!  (I led a very sheltered childhood!)

Here it goes...... (drum roll please).....

1. Gone with the Wind
2.  The Godfather
3. The Graduate
4. Fargo
5. Platoon
6. Psycho
7. The Incredibles
8.  The Shining
9.  The Untouchables
10. The Big Chill
11. The Color Purple
12. Chariots of Fire
13. Stand By Me
14. The Color of Money
15. Saving Private Ryan
16. Mamma Mia
17. Thelma and Louise
18. Taxi Driver
19. A nightmare Before Christmas
20. Band of Brothers
21.The Da Vinci Code
22. Singin' in the Rain
23. Inglourious Basterds
24. Gran Torino
25. Slumdog Millionaire

I wonder if I can even find them all anymore!!

Life Lessons

Last weekend Matthew participated in the Lego League Championship. I went into the day not knowing too much about how the competition worked.  He has been staying afterschool twice a week all year working on their project and last Saturday was the day it was all supposed to come together. 

Each team had 2.5 minutes to complete a series of tasks using a programmed Lego robot.   Best out of 4 tries to earn points.  Earlier in the day there was a skit and knowledge (question answer) portion as well.  All three categories were taken into consideration for the final awards.  Here's where Matthew had to learn a hard but good life lesson. 

There were 9 teams, I think, maybe 10. They gave out 8 awards.  I watched Matthew's face as they announced the winner of each category go from hopeful to sad each time.  He'd think it was their turn then realize another team was getting the award. It was hard to watch, the disappointment... my first reaction was shock that organizers wouldn't put two and two together and realize there would be one odd team out.  Shame on me......  see what society has even me thinking?? 

I think it is important that kids realize that not everyone can win.  As a teacher and parent I see a LOT of "everyone's a winner" going around and firmly believe it is setting our children up for even bigger disappointments later in life.  Not everyone is a winner, and kids need to know what it feels like to lose.  This was one of Matthew's first experiences with that.  He melted into a puddle of tears in my lap when all was said and done complaining, "we were the only team that didn't get anything...."  How do you respond to that?  It does seem unfair, thank you current society for teaching my child everyone should always get something. (that's sarcasm). 

The truth?  His team wasn't that good, they were disorganized and clearly the least prepared team there.  While I didn't like to see my child so upset I am thankful that they walked away with nothing. It may sound harsh, but had they been rewarded for their mediocrity, then what would their motivation be to do better the next time?  I told him that it was okay to be disappointed, it is a legitimate feeling and everyone is disappointed sometimes.  But I also told him that I didn't want him to walk away from this day with that being his only feeling or the only thing he took away from it.  I wanted him to remember all the fun he had afterschool with his friends preparing for the event, the t-shirts they got to wear, the pizza lunch, all of the positive things.... and maybe a hunger to do better next time and earn their recognition......

Times They are a Changing......

Well sort of.  First of all, I last blogged in MAY? Really?  Ha, not blogging, but certainly no time!  Things in life are constantly changing.  Lately in my life they are changing for the better!  I've been struggling with family time/work time for a while now.  When I began coaching I was a stay at home mom with two toddlers 1.5 years apart.  When 5 o'clock rolled around, I was ready to escape the house and have some me time.... so coaching was my outlet.

Coaching allowed me to teach, my passion in life, while keeping hours that worked well for my family, early morning and evenings.  Well the times they are a changing...... I am going on months now of welcoming the kids home off the bus, feeding them a snack then leaving and missing the dinner/bedtime routine on a regular basis.  I am no longer willing to miss this quality time with my quickly growing children and find myself longing to be back in the classroom and a routine that would mesh well with the rest of my family.

And so, I am back in school to renew my teaching license and get back into the classroom!  Since I have committed to this journey my smiles have been more frequent, I feel giddy about getting back into a classroom where I feel at home, comfortable and knowledgeable! I am hopeful that I will be placed in the right school where my family will benefit from my placement and I will be put into the lives of other people's children who need me!

What else is going on?  Well, I am still coaching, organizing races and teaching classes at the gym.  Some of that will phase out, some will always be a part of our lives. I am finding a balance and working towards what I really want to do in life.........

"When I grow up I want to be a teacher."- Kelly Roszak (Age 6)

Blogging in No Time

That's right, like I have time for one more thing.  This will be interesting to see how many times it gets written in.  Spare time doesn't come often and when it does, there's nothing like a nice long nap!!  But who knows, I like to multi-task so I might just surprise myself!